How do we measure time? Well we have units for that. Minutes, days, weeks, years.. and the list goes on.
But how to measure happiness from four years and four months full of love, laughter and fun? We can’t. But yet we can feel it. I can feel it. And it’s more than enough to warm my heart. And eyes, too, I tell you.
Yesterday was my last day working in Female Daily Network. And even though I am quite excited to start my new role in the new company, I dreaded the day I had to say good bye to them. I knew I would have to say something during the farewell, but yet I procrastinated it as long as I could because I always shed a tear whenever I started to compose the message in my head.
And all of a sudden, the day came. I could not even describe my feeling when I woke up in the morning that day. But I was up late and I had a meeting (Yes, I still attended my last meeting on my last day) so I ran and took off. The meeting went smoothly and Affi and I went back to office, determined to get some final job done before I am really gone.
I knew the office had prepared some lunch for us all, so I have expected the gathering and the farewell. But little did I know they had prepared something else and it was very very special. I arrived to find my desk was covered in post its from the whole office. They had written the nicest, cutest, funniest, silliest little notes for me. From the ‘good luck and have fun’ kind, to the ‘please don’t fall down in front of your new clients’ or ‘do you have Rp. 10K that I can borrow?’ (long story, don’t ask :p). It felt like many little waves of memories came struck my heart. So I started crying. I have never really realized how long four years and 4 months is, until the time I reminiscing all the memories.
Female Daily Network is more than just an office for me. It was my home, my family and my baby. I might not be the one who built it. But I was there in almost every step the company made. It seemed just yesterday that the three of us spent sleepless night to prepare the presentation deck. I still remember the excitement when we finally received the first client paycheck and the nervous feeling when we received our first pitch invitation.
I came to this company, to sit in a very tiny desk next to the toilet in the back of Hanzky’s boutique, and four years later, I left my big wide desk in the corner of the 300m2 office with customized reception table and big community area.
I came to this company, with dehydrated dull skin, no makeup and bad clothing, and four years later, I left with skin condition younger than my actual age (based on the skin test I took), decent makeup skill and so much better fashion sense.
The company has only done good things to me. The fact that they have put their trust in the 27 years old kid with no publishing, digital nor sales experience to help building the company has made me much better person. I have grown my skill, I have developed better and healthier lifestyle and most important, I have found people I really love. Some of the people there have touched my heart in the way that they might have not even realized.
And as if all that is not enough, they have made this pretty sweet video for me. I did not even expect this as I only officially told the whole office about my resignation less than a week before my leaving. But yet, despite tons of video revision I asked, my sweetest Kila stayed up until 2AM and editing this.
Someone once told me, I should not count on what people say about me to feel good about myself. I should feel good because I am good. But watching this video and see all these lovely people saying good things about me really makes me thing that I might not be too bad.
I had nothing but fun these past four years. But this is the time I have to put on my big girl pants and head to the real world. It is scary as hell. But if I could make wonderful people in wonderful company like you not firing me in the first 3 months, I am sure I could do this.
Thank you.. thank you.. thank you..
All my life, I have never considered myself as a brave person. As far as I remember, I am always scared. Not to ghosts or other supersticious things like that, but I am scared of things like meeting new people, doing new things, going to unknown places, and above all that, I am scared that people won’t like me for I am or they think that I am not good enough in what I’m doing.
Having said that, I could say that I am quite proud of myself this year. Well maybe these past 14 months or so if I want to be really precise. But I have done so many new things, accepting so many challenges that maybe two years ago would never occurred to me, and I am loving the result!
Let’s see. This year I finally able to cross three things on my so called bucket list (because I have never actually made a list, but those are the things I have always wanted)
I go back to school.
I have always wanted to pursue undergraduate degree, but things were always came my way. This year it’s finally happening! It’s not an easy thing to do, doing your MBA while working, but I am not complaining. I have so many people supporting me for taking this decision and I am gonna graduate with flying color, I swear! The school is really great, by the way, but if I’m gonna talk about it, this is gonna be a very long blog post
I slowly going back to the size I was before. And healthier than ever!
Yes, each year I told myself I’d start healthier lifestyle and I would reduce my dress size. But instead, I got bigger and bigger and not even close to healthy. And I was in constant denial, blaming it all to my PCOS problem, and thinking that it’s your personality that matters, which is very true, except that it’s hard to let your personality shines when you constantly feel nauseaus and out of breath. But this year I finally decided I’ve had enough. I went to see the obgyn to talk about this illness thoroughly. I hired a nutritionist and followed her plan religiously, and I pushed myself to exercise, harder than ever. It’s all paid off, though. I have never been fitter (and happier, really), and, like I wrote above, I am slowly going back to my non-whale size. And I am doing it the healthy way.
I breathed Europe’s air!
I don’t travel much. I can even say I very rarely travel! But whenever I dream of traveling, I always think of Europe. Last month I went to Finland for school trip and I enjoyed every second of it. What makes my heart swell with pride is that I spent a couple of days by myself in Helsinki, and I managed to last in one piece. For someone who are even scared to go eat by herself, that’s such an achievement :D
There are also some other things that I am quite proud of, like this year I managed to finish not one, but TWO races. One was Indonesia Urbanathlon and the other one was Adidas Kings of the Road 10 k race. And that I participated in Shave for Hope event and running around everywhere with clean shaved head for a couple of months (I am going back to wig now, though, because now the hair starts to grow, I look really weird)
I am not very religious. But I remember one time, there’s this Church event and the guy who gave the sermon said, in the Bible, there are 366 lines of Jesus saying “Don’t be afraid.” I don’t know whether it’s true or not, and I am not even interested to check, but I believe it anyway, because it’s just so awesome that there’s enough line for each day of the year, Him telling us not to be afraid.
And if you don’t believe in Jesus, my most favorite author, Neil Gaiman, on each of his New Year’s letter, wishing us to be brave, to make mistakes and to surprise yourself (Read his complete awesome New Year’s journal here). And being a person who got scared about a lot of things, I can tell you that it is really a wonderful feeling. Maybe because I am not being brave often enough that it’s very special whenever I do that. But it really is awesome.
I am about to try something new again this coming year. It could be the stupidest thing I have ever done, or it could even be the best decision. I don’t know, that’s why I am trying it. And it scares the hell out of me. But I know that, whatever the outcome is, I would not regret this decision. I am gonna face this new challenge bravely, and I will work hard and have a lot of fun and at the end of the day, I know I can sleep better at night knowing that I, once again have surprised myself… and be brave.